5-year Fuku-versary by FCM

so ive been paying attention to the weather lately (!!) as well as a couple of disasters happening in the USA now, in real time — the fire at a nuclear waste dump (west lake landfill) in MO and another similar situation in the west (nevada maybe? ok not following that one as closely), as well as the methane volcano/natural gas leak in porter ranch, CA. these things are dreadful, this is devastating news of increasingly deteriorating conditions in these places, including living suffering and dying conditions for the people, animals and all life currently living there — and for all of us.

get it? we are all in this together. it can no longer be reasonably denied that the global conditions under which we all live serve patriarchy are getting bad, really bad…insert long list of examples here…and then the rains came. oh dear. and 100% predictably BTW, west lake landfill, which contains radioactive nuclear waste from the manhattan project (google it!) flooded, as did the entire st. louis area, whereupon a huge pulse of floodwater (and other things!!) proceeded to make its way down the mississippi river and ultimately to the ocean.

the same thing has happened in cumbria, UK — a flooded nuclear waste site sent a pulse of “floodwater” (and other things) down the river, contaminating everything in its path of course, and eventually making its way to the sea.

i started thinking, ok, things just went from bad to worse, where all the shit men have buried in the ground, all over the world, is going to start coming up now and making its way to the sea. how many of these male-made toxic waste sites, including those holding male-made ionizing radiation and other lethal toxins, both here and other places, sites and substances that we both do and do not know about, are going to start flooding, spilling, collapsing, sliding, blowing up, venting and otherwise failing now? i am thinking all of them will likely fail at this point, and that the illusion of mens insane policy and practice of “we’ll contain it!!” no matter what “it” is, and whether “it” can in fact can be contained, or even whether it should be, is being revealed as be-ing that which it always was — an obfuscation and subsidy for male parasitism and necrophilia, where the costs do not run alongside the benefits (but where the costs come home to roost eventually), and a cruel gaslighting (and torture!) of anyone who knows, senses or intuits better.

no, men, your shit cannot be contained, your necrophilia cannot be, your parasitism cannot be, men and maleness cannot/will not be contained, women know this. we have tried.

so seeing, and intuiting, that shit just got real, in this particular sense of all mens buried shit coming up now (it has been real this whole time) i started looking into what this “shit” really is, and what its effects are likely to be, including incubation periods for latent toxins (like male-made ionizing radiation) and i started to think that there really is no rational reason to believe that any of us is going to survive this for any length of time. is there?

is there any rational reason to believe, assuming widespread “outed” nuclear toxins due to unprecedented, worldwide weather events and flooding starting in december 2015 or so, (and i think this is a reasonable assumption, and also fair to assume that *everything* male-made has been or will shortly, or at the very least eventually, be released) that “we” will continue on like this or at all for more than 5 years, when the effects of ionizing radiation on humans (and animals!) including autoimmune disease which disproportionately affect females BTW, seem to appear within 5 years of exposure? to be clear, it seems as if animals respond by becoming ill and dying within 1-5 years, while humans (especially females) respond with crippling autoimmune stuff first and then cancers, and solid cancers which can appear later, even 5-80 years after exposure. has the clock started now, with these daily, weekly and monthly 100, 1,000 and 10,000 year floods constantly displacing the best and worst of 10,000 years of mens shit? due to men creating, burying then releasing male-made poison whose devastating effects to women and animals especially become clear within 5 years, and its just downhill from there, is it more or less game over (to society? humanity? globally?) in 5 years?

i really dont know the answer to that (!!) but the thought gave me serious pause, as did this one — if its more-or-less-game-over in 5 years due to widespread nuclear contamination due to floods, then its more-or-less-game-over already, now, because of fukushima. in reality, this is likely the case regardless of anything else. with the 5-year anniversary approaching of this so-far unmitigated male-made nuclear disaster which continues to pour literally unbelievable, inconceivable types and volumes of male-made ionizing radiation into the sea, and all that comes with that, including the demonstrated, observable death of the pacific ocean and all that food…….is there really any rational reason to believe “we” will continue for much longer at all?


Thoughts on Fukushima by CBL



今日の雪は、深々としてます。 僕の好きな雪です。

The snow today, is deep. I like the snow.

[Poem by ぼんさいや「あべ」]











I’ll begin with Chernobyl.

The dedicated teachers at my Welsh-speaking school never hid Chernobyl from us. We were taught about how, on the day the cloud blew over Wales, it had been (inevitably) raining, which brought down the radioactive dust onto our soil. We were told about the half-life of plutonium and learned that it would be in our Welsh soil forever. It was in the grass, and therefore in the sheep. It was in the soil and therefore in us.

I watched documentaries about the Chernobyl children. I remember little Boris, who was born without legs and instead two flipper type limbs. I remember reading in Cosmopolitan about Anya, whose mother was angry that her daughter had developed thyroid problems because the disaster had taken place when she was pregnant, and because nobody would hold Chernobyl accountable. I learned there was absolutely no recourse for women who knew their children would have otherwise been born healthy. “Ah, but how could they have known?” I hear some white-coated doctor say. Trust me, oh holy-one whose life work consists of ignoring women’s wisdom. They know.

Against this backdrop, my best friend and I stumbled across a kids book, “Children of the Dust“, in the library. Published in 1985, It is a tale of a post-nuclear disaster dystopia. I found it online yesterday and learned after all these years that it had been written by a woman. Of course it had.

The book details three generations of a family during the aftermath of a nuclear war. The survivors of the blast suffer through radiation, nuclear winter, feuds between rival groups and radiation-induced mutations, eventually evolving into a new species, Homo superior. The new species has adapted to the loss of the ozone layer and the abundant radiation, and will become the dominant species on the planet.

The book contains three sections, one for each generation. The novel offers some hope that humanity could survive the horrors of war (as an allegory for the current age) in order to form a new world.

The horror of the story was increased by the implied PIV which was still taking place. Still. And which was producing mutated, blind and weak children. My very dear friend almost had a nervous breakdown after reading this powerful book.


I woke up and logged on to Mumsnet (!), which I had been using as a news outlet. On the homepage was a video. Unusual. I clicked on it and saw the Tsunami sweep cars, buildings and office blocks away. Where was this? Another Phillipines disaster? Thailand? I scanned the discussion and saw it was Japan. Where? It was important to me to know where. When it’s on your doorstep, this matters. Was this in my prefecture? I called my husband. He of course knew what had happened. He told me it was in the North. I hadn’t felt the earthquake. Sometimes the earthquakes wake us up in the night. Everywhere was still and silent. Not near us, we were safe.

I turned on the news. It was censored in that although it still showed terrifying images, there were none of the scenes I saw on the mumsnet link– images of people driving and driving and then just stopping their cars because they knew there was no point; they might as well turn off the ignition and wait. Stoic to the end, the Japanese. And the helicopter cameras capturing that: people driving away at top speed, then stopping, and waiting for the wave to take them.

Nobody really spoke that day. Everybody went about their business. We’d seen the gas cylinders on fire, but the news of the nuclear reactors wouldn’t hit home until a day or two later. When I realised the implications of the reactors I wanted to go back to England to protect my children. I contacted my friend in London, but she could only put me up for a limited time. I had no savings. I was stuck.

I scoured the net for news. CNN, I found, is a pretty reliable news outlet. The Japanese news outlets covered the developments at the nuclear plant every day, with a kind of agitated fervour. Experts would compare the radiation we receive on a long haul flight with the radiation we would experience from Fukushima. They assured us that the difference was negligible, that we would be okay. Yes, but you eventually get off a long-haul flight, I remember thinking.

I scanned for news of the winds. The Westerlies. I was reassured that the wind was taking the radiation upwards and away from the island in the south, where I was. I chartered the westerlies every day.

Bottled water from France disappeared off the shelves. We shouldn’t drink milk. Meat stored radiation more than vegetables. I cut down on meat. I kept drinking milk, so did my children. I scoured the supermarket shelves for imported meat. Chicken from Brazil. Pork from the USA.

And the evil of nuclear radiation is this: suddenly nature is the enemy. The trees and air and wind and skies and everything beautiful and anything of significance are dangerous to us, but sitting at home on our laptops or in front of the TV is by comparison safer. And the sea. They took the sea from us too because they used the sea to wash the reactors to keep them cool. I didn’t go in the sea for at least a year, knowing this, but in the second year I did. And so did my children. And so did everybody else’s children. But we knew it might kill us.

I cut down on air conditioning, thinking I might be poisoning the inside of my home, the way the outside was now poisoned.

Fukushima took its toll on my mental health. A few months after, I was attacked by a man, and I think the two incidents were related. Men were agitated. The no holds barred way the attack took place tied in with the stunned silence of the people since Fukushima. Like the Jewish men who raped Jewish women during the holocaust, just because they could, when men are agitated, they up their antes.

I turned on the TV one day and saw an old man by himself picking through some rubble. “What are you doing?” asks the camera guy. “I’m looking for my granddaughter, my son, and my daughter-in-law” he says.

Japan has been criticized for not evacuating the 10 million inhabitants of Tokyo, but I agree with the decision not to. Chaos is not conducive to life. Disease spreads easily. People need order and food and homes above all. Even if they know they’re living with a silent, invisible killer. And besides, as my Japanese friend posted on Facebook, we have to limit the amount of chaos caused to women. Disasters like earthquakes create an environment where it is easy to traffic and sexually exploit vulnerable females. Feminists in Japan were on the case after the earthquake and knew that minimum disruption of lives was the best outcome for women– due to the increased chance of rape and other threats from men during bad times.

Given this, I think the Japanese government did the right thing by not panicking the people and by encouraging them to stay in their city and live quietly and calmly and in denial about the fall-out of the worst nuclear catastrophe that has even taken place on earth.

I am fatigued and lethargic, but it could be that moving countries makes you tired for a while. It could be my 4 hour daily commute and starting a new job. It could be, it could be, it could be… It could be sadness. Everywhere in Japan is beautiful and full of flowers. It’s not beautiful where I live now.




3 thoughts on “5-year Fuku-versary by FCM

  1. I’m travelling in the US right now, staying in hostels and finding myself stuck at communal tables where some dude or other is singing the praises of the likes of Freud or Henry the VIII and his break from Catholicism, and after reading this, it just strikes me that no matter what men ‘accomplish’, no matter which area of study or life, their work results in disaster for women with serious fallout that we can see coming and for which no man ever takes responsibility. Whether it’s an atomic bomb, a failed nuclear power plant, medicine/psychology, religion, or whatever, women always pay. We know we will. We wait. Sometimes we even try to warn. To no avail. Hell rains down. And life for us limps on.

    • Hi Storyending,
      I’ve just found your blog today and very much enjoyed reading through it! Sorry to hear you’re having to listen to men talk in communal settings! Sounds tiring!
      Your writing about China is fascinating. I’ve been a few times, just transited for a few nights on the way to Japan, but made sure I went into Shanghai city each time to have a look around.

      • Cheers. I’ve been reading you for a while. I was very interested in your Japanese experience – I think I found you through a comment on another blog when you referenced something about Japan. I’ve been once, but transited through a few times. The two countries have both similarities and differences, which are fascinating to look at.

        I’ll be reading (whether it’s about Japan or not) 🙂

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