I’ve never been on the pill because i’ve never understood it, I mean I’ve never got the concept i.e the entire point of it.
I took one look at a friend’s pill packet once at around the age of 15 and read the side-effects: blood clots, thrombosis, strokes.. and thought “No Thanks, not for me”.
I knew it couldn’t protect you from STDs.
My first boyfriend gave me regular rip-roaring orgasms at the age of 14. I was with him for a year. We never had intercourse. …We used to lie skin to skin all night. Ah…I have a lot of fond memories of that boy. Love you K.
The older men get the worse they are in bed. Men know shit about sex compared to teenage boys. Because they come across porn and mistakenly believe that it has something to do female sexuality.
The older I got, the more I too forgot my own latent sexuality and re-modelled it on the popular culture, or on what the man I happened to be with wanted. I lost myself.
Nobody once ever told me once that I didn’t have to have intercourse ever, and that what me and K got up to at the age of 14 was as good as it gets!
Nobody told me that after hot teen lusting it’s downhill all the way, and that the intercourse you’ve been holding out for- the secret you’ve been waiting to discover-is going to be the biggest anti-climax of your life. 17 I was, and IT. WAS. SHIT.
All you hear is that if you want a man, which for a het woman translates into if you want love and affection in your life then you must have intercourse.
From BDSM to missionary to threesomes, condoms were what I used. Can’t say I didn’t enjoy it either, but the point here is that it didn’t beat what me and K had. It wasn’t better. By a long shot. But it was a helluvalot riskier, because the condom could always split. And although I came, I felt used afterwards; and unutterably alone.
I have come to the conclusion that my experience with K was a fluke. I thought it was the norm among het couples, but it was an accident by all accounts, and it’s very rare for a het couple to go a year or more having orgasms without intercourse. If I hadn’t had that experience, then what could I compare intercourse with? And what happens to all the het girls who don’t come across a K at the right time?
But if I’m truthul, my lax attitude towards the pill came from the fact the morning-after pill was easy to come by. I realise that in some countries it’s unavailable, in which case the pill would have been more of an issue. But where I was, if there was an accident or mistake, you could always take the emergency pill, so why bother popping a pill every day.
If the morninfg after pill hadn’t been available, if there was no back up plan to the condom splitting, would I have had the guts to say no to intercourse to protect myself and my body?
I believe the answer is: probably not. Deep down.
Which begs the question: How much self-loathing does a person harbour if they are willing to put their body at risk of pregnancy or STDS, or strokes or thrombosis because they don’t or won’t or can’t say no to Intercourse.
And how much indoctrination does it take for a human being to see herself as so worthless that her body not worth protecting?